In the midst of all who are busy running the race of survival, there are few souls that take up that leap of faith and embark on the journey unknown, to fetch the meaning called “life”.
Life has happened to me now, at 27, and now on it happens to me every day, I ensure that.
I was one of those few souls who, as always, was looking for the purpose on my existence; always courageous enough to take the route less traveled in order to find my answers to the quest of life. Yes, I strived hard, struggled, was betrayed and broken many times by those who believed I was naive, I was not practical. I realized it hard way that when you laugh, the world laughs and when you cry, the world laughs louder.
But despite of all this, my quest never died and now when I finally found my purpose in Humanity, I see life very differently. Indeed not logically or practically.
At the age of 12, one incident made me acquainted to the word Faith…I started believing in God, not as an idol but as my inner voice and if He resides in me, he is in everybody. This was humanity to me, to see that greatness, that power in everyone and thus I respected everyone. I grew up believing that everyone can create and also destroy. It is not destiny that makes us, but rather we are the navigators of our destiny by choosing what we want or desire.
Frankly, growing up was easy, living in a pampered and protected environment with your own belief system. And then one day I chose to explore independence, I went out for my further studies and then chose an independent survival life in Mumbai. By independent I mean, earning enough to sponsor my living and living life without any restrictions, my way. It was then that I faced the so called “real world”, a world where people exist in the default survival mode, where fear out passes passion. As I got into this world, deeper and deeper, I lost my Faith; rather I chose to stop listening to it.
I fell for peer pressure, started getting influenced by people around me, their beliefs and practicality. Most importantly I had learnt to blame; blame everyone and everything including myself. There was a time when I felt I had a split personality; I used to get confused as to who I am really. I felt unknown to myself, lost all my self-confidence and self-control and had become vulnerable and moody. People around me once said I radiate calmness and make people feel comfortable, and now I thought I was “fake”, that fake smile and laughter to just show people how awesome my life is, but within I was confused.
It was his realization that made me take a break. “Enough of running” said my heart, with tears rolling down my eyes, of which I had no clue why. I remember that night I was sitting at the edge of the wide window at my Mumbai apartment. I was looking out at the darkness, all alone. That is how I felt, lonely and obscure. Yes, I lived all alone as this side of me was hidden from the world. For everyone I was the bubbly, Independent, confident and strong girl, but for me I was a fake.
I had learnt first level Reiki, had undergone hypnotism session and left it mid-way, read Gita, had attended an introduction of Bharmakumaris (just like that), but could relate to nothing. I had experienced it that my answers lie within me and that is why I chose to travel, far and beyond, to explore myself in solitude.
Travel did connect me back to my Faith, it did make me realize that I am strong from within and that I like people. I become more open to sharing my life with people started my travel blog where I wrote about my experiences with people and nature. Humanity touched me, people their stories and conversations made me feel complete. But somewhere this completion was temporary and the satisfaction was short lived. I yearned to become a nomadic and just travel to belong nowhere.
It was then that a friend of mine introduced me to Landmark. It took me four and half months to make up my mind and do the course. That day when I attended the introduction, I saw myself at that stage talking to people. I guess I heard myself again that night, and registered. Today, while I am writing this post, I am at the verge of completing my Curriculum of Living. In these months, Landmark has become a way of life. So what is it that I got finally, you would ask.
The most important realization was, it was I who was stopping me to believe in my faith. My life experiences made me question it on and on and one day I stopped listening to it. I disconnect from my own self. Landmark gave me power to create my life. It gave me the power to forgive and thus I could forgive everyone and most importantly forgive myself. No more blaming, no more self-doubts, no more fear of failing or trusting people, but to live each day a new.
I have gone back to practicing Reiki, the Faith is so strong that despite on not learning distant healing, I could heal my brother. Bhagvad Gita makes sense to me. I could relate to the preaching of Bhagwad Gita Saar, in God being the Supreme Power, and in the concept of Karma. Moreover, I could relate to even to quantum physics. I was recently having a discussion with a friend about quantum physics and how we both believed in the same thing i.e. energy but the approach was different.
The crux here is “Believe”. If you believe, there is everything, if you don’t there is nothing.
Many of you reading this would question my belief in Faith. I believe in The Secret to be true, and I live it each day. I have surrendered myself to universe and no more relate myself as body but energy. I believe that each one of us has the power to connect and create. And I have no evidence to prove it, I believe in it.
I believe in Humanity, in having Faith in myself and I also believe that no matter what you believe in it’s all one…it’s all in believing…have Faith in what you believe!